So I have been writing a lot of blog posts lately but I am having trouble hitting the submit button. The last few weeks have been a little rough. I feel as if I am begging for sympathy if I post some of this stuff. I started this with the goal of being a resource to help other people and not a place for me to whine about things. Maybe by telling you what's going on with me those that deal with this can take solace in they are not alone in their struggles.
I have had a bit of agoraphobia lately. I have been working from home a lot because I have been so busy at work that now when I leave the house I get short on breathe and dizzy. This really sucks as I am really wanting to get out and do stuff. I went to the hobby shop today as an excuse to get out of here for a minute and I thought I was going to pass out. That place normally is like a sanctuary. It is incredibly frustrating that I have to deal with this!
That is the shitty part about anxiety. Its ups and downs.. There are good days and there are bad days. I know part of this is I was sick earlier in the week and the other part is I have not been exercising enough. I just want to sit around sometimes and do nothing! But doing nothing brings me this and this sucks.
I do have to say that I am not really having many scary thoughts which is nice. I don't feel like I am going to die or anything I just feel depressed and disappointed. I know it frustrates my wife because I go into hermit mode and bury myself in distraction. I have been really making an effort though to play with the kids so I don't neglect them. They are a lot of fun right now and its fun and a nice break to be with them. The only weird thoughts I have been having are weird dreams about highschool specifically around my first car. The dreams I am having make me sit in bed for a bit when I wake up to determine what is real and what is fake. Luckily I am not alone based on a Facebook post that first car dreams seem very common.
So there you have it.. That is what is going on with me right now. I know I am very fortunate to have a understanding job and an understanding wife and I don't take those things for granted. My goal with this post is not to say how crappy my life is but to show people who might be going through this that its ok. Not every day is perfect and unless you read the Mayan calendar there is always tomorrow!
