It's that time of year again

Well.. fall is here and the days are becoming noticeably shorter. This means winter is coming and all the fun things that brings anxiety wise for me. The summer went by so quickly it seems although I am glad there is a break in the heat. I have gone back and forth on writing something here but it sometimes is a struggle to get out what's in my head in a form that I am comfortable sharing. 

I have for the most part kept my anxiety under control the past few months which has been a nice change of pace for me. This was mostly due to changes in my medication that I had been resisting a long time. I think the biggest thing that drove me to this decision was I was tired of working so hard to keep my stuff together. I resisted as long as I could but I just got tired. I am glad that I decided to go this route but it does not come without downsides. So why am I telling you this?

I want folks to know that its ok to not have it all together all the time. Anxiety is a daily challenge and no one has the answers. I have talked to several folks that are going through the same thing I went through. They have a sense of shame or a sense that they are "crazy". I suffered way too long because I could not come to grips with the fact that I wasn't alone in this struggle and no matter how special I thought I was this was not unique to just me. :) 

If you are going through a rough patch just remember that there is only so much stress one can take and anxiety is a way of your body and mind telling you to slow down. Sometimes we really need to look at what is important and let the rest take a back seat. I really felt a ton better when I told people what I was going through. I was like you know what who cares what people think. So what I get anxious about stuff. So what that I don't want to do X or Y. If people don't understand you that say they are your friends then you need new friends. There are enough challenges with anxiety to worry about what other people think. I think the biggest thing I have gotten out of this blog is folks coming up to me and talking about their struggles. 

As the stress of the holidays besieges us keep your chin up. Just remember your body pumps out adrenaline when you are anxious the same way your body pumps out adrenaline when you are riding a roller coaster. The difference is how your mind interprets these chemicals so you have the power to help change that interpretation.

Having Trouble Hitting the Submit Button

So I have been writing a lot of blog posts lately but I am having trouble hitting the submit button. The last few weeks have been a little rough. I feel as if I am begging for sympathy if I post some of this stuff. I started this with the goal of being a resource to help other people and not a place for me to whine about things. Maybe by telling you what's going on with me those that deal with this can take solace in they are not alone in their struggles.

I have had a bit of agoraphobia lately. I have been working from home a lot because I have been so busy at work that now when I leave the house I get short on breathe and dizzy. This really sucks as I am really wanting to get out and do stuff. I went to the hobby shop today as an excuse to get out of here for a minute and I thought I was going to pass out. That place normally is like a sanctuary. It is incredibly frustrating that I have to deal with this!

That is the shitty part about anxiety. Its ups and downs.. There are good days and there are bad days. I know part of this is I was sick earlier in the week and the other part is I have not been exercising enough. I just want to sit around sometimes and do nothing! But doing nothing brings me this and this sucks.

I do have to say that I am not really having many scary thoughts which is nice. I don't feel like I am going to die or anything I just feel depressed and disappointed. I know it frustrates my wife because I go into hermit mode and bury myself in distraction. I have been really making an effort though to play with the kids so I don't neglect them. They are a lot of fun right now and its fun and a nice break to be with them. The only weird thoughts I have been having are weird dreams about highschool specifically around my first car. The dreams I am having make me sit in bed for a bit when I wake up to determine what is real and what is fake. Luckily I am not alone based on a Facebook post that first car dreams seem very common.

So there you have it.. That is what is going on with me right now. I know I am very fortunate to have a understanding job and an understanding wife and I don't take those things for granted. My goal with this post is not to say how crappy my life is but to show people who might be going through this that its ok. Not every day is perfect and unless you read the Mayan calendar there is always tomorrow!

Happy New Year!!! (A little late)

Happy New Year!!!

I know I know... It's a little late but hey.. Things were crazy over the holiday. I have been thinking a lot about this blog and how I want to move forward with it. At first I thought that this would be a good place to help other people which I think it is but I feel as if I have been putting too much thought into it.

What I realized was I don't need tips to give out every post... I just need to talk about what I am going through on a daily basis where other people can relate. I know it makes me feel better when I read about other people going through something similar. I also realized that what works for me in certain situations doesn't work with other people but talking about the tools I use to cope could help. So that is how I am planning on moving forward from here on out.

With that out of the way its time to talk about the winter blues. I get them pretty bad mostly due to the short days. I look forward to the first day of winter because I know it will start getting dark later and later. My wife has been trying to convince me to buy a "blue light" and I have been doing some research on them. There is actually some science that support their validity. On the flip side they are like $150 for a decent one so I keep going back and forth.

When I think back through the years I see a pattern emerge. Right after Christmas I get a serious spike in the amount of anxiety I have to deal with. I think its because all of a sudden I don't have anything to pre-occupy me with. I also took 2 weeks off of work which then left me with way too much time to reflect. This will sound weird but I feel like when I don't have something to pre-occupy me I start over analyzing things which sometimes triggers the snowball to start. That is one thing that my wife gives me the business about that I have to constantly be doing something. I do have to admit that this year has been tamer then the past few years which is good.

That is all I got for today!